i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
