Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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