Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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