You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize