Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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