THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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