I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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