she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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