THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
