My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize