remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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