Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
