Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
