I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it penis luge time yet?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
