All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
