Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
