so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
