# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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