Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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