today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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