I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
