I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
