i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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