he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
