If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
