NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
