im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
