The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
