everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
