Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
