How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
