Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
