i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
