I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
