That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As shirtless as possible
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Send help, water and tortillas.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
