I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
