he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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