i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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