all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize