you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
