I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize