I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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