I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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