The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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