Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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