it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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