oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
