No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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