he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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