I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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