shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
