I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
