Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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