the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
