how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im six kinds of drunk right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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