Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
