so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
