I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize