He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
