Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
