Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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