Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
