Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my being single is dangerous.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
