When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
