can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
