My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
