It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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