If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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