More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
