If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
