Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
