I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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